Into the Wild

I watched Into the Wild the other night and it got me thinking about my life, like any good movie should.  Unlike many Alaskans I wasn't focused on how stupid he was to go into the wilderness unprepared, the family thing is what got me.  Like over the last few years I've sorta treated my family like crap and really felt I would be better without them in my life.  They aren't terrible people, I just feel terrible when I'm around them.  I'm torn between my desire not to cause them pain and not to be in pain myself, I mean I do care for them.

What really disturbed were some of the similarities in the story, the other brother and family he was never told about, the behavior of his parents when threatening divorce, the scrutiny in regards to education their ideas about what it means to be successful, the resentment at be offered more stuff, the desire to just drop everything and leave, the feeling I'm not living a real life.

While I've had the sense not to drop everything I often feel like its just a step away, I suppose many people do though.  A big part of it for me is wanting to escape the expectations that my family and co-workers have about me, the idea that if I come out they'll turn on me, be disgusted by me, feel lied to, etc.  In absence of familiar faces its really quite simple to change yourself, no one questions "why aren't you being yourself", you just get to be your normal self.  If your constantly on the move meeting new people you always get to be yourself.  That I suppose is the romance of what he was doing.

Casting off all people from his life I believe ultimately led to his demise.  I mean everyone needs saving at some point, even if it is little ways.  If your living alone in the wild no one gives you time off for being sick, no one brings you soup, no one is there to comfort you.  Even the people on the street who have difficulty living in society live together, the may spend time alone but there is a community.  I do think its dangerous to assume that there is Mr/Ms Right out there that will complete your life and make your problems go away, it also seems equally dangerous to think you can do it all alone.

As I'm running out of things to say, I'll close with this "We're all in this togeather."